Wednesday, February 15, 2012

SECRETS OF FASHION'S TOP BRASS (and my shoe shame)

The inside of my shoe closet. This is why my personal style is what it is and my bedroom door remains locked and barred to my children, lest they discover the horrible hypocrisy behind my 'Tidy up!' mantra.

Today, a Top Editor told me that her Top TV Star Fashion Director always gets dressed from the shoes up. Chooses the shoes first, then the rest of the outfit. A fast and efficient way to style oneself, I'm sure you agree. I do this too. However, my system is not as efficient as the style cognoscenti, hence my frequent lateness and stylistically compromised looks. My problem is, I can never find the shoes I want. See above. I open the closet door and there it is, Shoe Mountain. It is actually the floor of my wardrobe. I have another one down the hallway, opposite my son's room which I can only go into when he is either asleep or out. Really, I should sort out Shoe Mountain but where else would I put the shoes? There is no room in our cramped apartment for shelves neatly stacked with shoeboxes, polaroids stuck to the front etc.  If I line my shoes up on the floor, they just collect dust and get kicked around, looking worse than Shoe Mountain. I have a shoe hangy thing over the back of the wardrobe door for pumps and flats, but my platties, wedgies and stillies all lie around argy-bargying on the wardrobe floor. I do sometimes tidy them up but inevitably, the ones I want to wear are at the back and I end up in a last minute panic, chucking them all out behind me like Butch digging up a bone in Tom & Jerry.

So, if I won the lottery I would not buy a new chin, car or rocks - I would buy a giant shoe cupboard with living quarters attached. Then, I would buy even more shoes to put in it. I know, people are starving in the world and things are so awful for so many women out there that I would probably give it all away. But if I was dim, more vain about everything and genuinely believed any of this stuff is that important really,  I would buy and build that shoe cupboard.

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