KIPPLE DRAWER DIVORCE

2 ALMOST EMPTY kipple drawers
(kipple = Martin Amis word for drawer miscellany)

NEWSFLASH: The Real (British) Husband of New York has surreptitiously emptied my kipple drawers.

When? I don't know but his ears were sticking out at a particularly angry angle on Saturday so I think it must have happened then, when I went round to Hot & Crusty. He must have been quick though, because I was only gone for five minutes. Plus this must mean that he also emptied the bin in that time - OMIGOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? He never, ever empties the bin despite my notices on the wall above it.

On the other hand, the dustbins for floor 11 live outside our kitchen door so he could have opened the drawers, removed them, emptied the contents directly into the outside dustbin, then speedily replaced the drawers. However, that would have taken some planning. How long was he planning his kipple raid for I wonder? Who else, if anyone, knew? He showed no signs to me and I am trained, that he was planning a kipple raid. No obvious signs that is, other than the sticking out, angry ears and slightly raised eye-brows.

I truly admire the temerity of a man, who has been heavily warned about ever touching a kipple drawer again in his life (five years ago), who would then empty more than one during the week before Christmas. A week when I have hardly seen him at all, yet bought, wrapped and prepared everything for a Christmas with his family. It takes the kind of guts that I didn't even know he had. Rest assured, I will be testing these guts to their very core this afternoon when I proceed in an orderly direction directly to his office. There, I will assist his secretary with straightening up his office pre-Christmas and empty all 25 of his kipple drawers into the bins on the 43rd floor. Not before I have irritably questioned him about the location of the radiator key for the upstairs bathroom though, normally a crucial part of kipple drawer emptying - syndrome.

Happy Holidays!